Having a bang buddy is awesome. You both understand what you’re doing and that it isn’t a relationship. Often, this buddy isn’t a friend-friend, but more of someone you’ve met elsewhere and become “bedroom besties” with no other connection outside of getting busy.
But, what if you want to have sex with a friend? Like, someone, you’ve known awhile. Like someone, you hang out with.
Can it be done without ruining the friendship?
Well, I’m here to tell you that it can…if you do things correctly. There are definitely rules you both need to follow to keep the sex part of the relationship completely separate from the friend part of the relationship.
Does that sound kind of difficult?
It should because it is.
Look, I’m not saying it’s completely impossible because there are people out there that have had successful friends-with-benefits relationships. Hell, I’ve even had a few. But, I’ve also had some friendships that were completely and totally destroyed because we got together sexually, and it sucked big time.
If you are considering having sex with someone you consider a friend, make sure you understand the rules of staying friends after having sex. If you don’t know them, let me fill you in.
6 Rules for Staying Friends After Having Sex
This is a quick and dirty list of rules that I abide by when it comes to hooking up with friends.
Rule #1: Join a casual dating site and look for someone else first.
Ok, I know that doesn’t help you if you’re planning on hooking up with a buddy but hear me out. If you are sexually frustrated, find someone else to have sex with first. Make it a someone you don’t care about, don’t hang out with, and sure don’t share any friends with.
People on casual dating and hookup sites are looking to do just that, hookup. They don’t know you, don’t have any time invested in you, and really just want to get laid and move on. There will be no awkwardness, it’s a fuck and go (on your way).
If you have sex with a friend, lines are being crossed and things are getting weird, which is what you don’t want. However, if you are still convinced that you and your friend should get busy, keep reading the rest of the rules for staying friends after having sex.
Rule #2: Make sure you discuss what you both want out of this.
If you and your friend are hell-bent on having sex with each other, you need to communicate. Communication is the only way you can both ensure that the other person understands what you’re looking for, what you don’t want, and what the whole situation will be defined as.
Really listen carefully to what they’re saying to you. If it even sounds remotely like they could lean towards relationship stuff and that isn’t what you want, do not have sex with them. One or both of you are going to end up hurt and the friendship probably won’t survive.
Rule #3: Don’t be weird about things.
Having sex with a friend does not make you the owner of said friend, the partner of said friend, and you certainly do not have the right to treat that friend in any way other than a friend. The best way to keep things going well is to act like you two haven’t had sex and are still just the same two people you were before you saw each other naked.
If either of you starts getting clingy, obnoxious, or relationship-y, your friendship is surely going to be sliding down the tubes before you know it. Be cool and things will work out.
Rule #4: Keep your mouth shut.
Chances are, you and your new fuck friend share other friends in common. You’re probably part of a bigger friend group that hangs out, does stuff together, and enjoys being together.
How do you think it will go if you tell someone else in that friend group that you and “Tricia” have been playing hide the salami? I can almost guarantee that it isn’t going to go well. Not only are you going to piss off your new bed-buddy (not to be confused with bedpage buddies who you have to pay), but you’re also probably going to start some major drama amongst the group.
The best thing you can do is keep what the two of you are doing a secret and not fill anyone else in on it.
Rule #5: Keep the communication open.
Once you and your friend have begun a friends-with-benefits situation, it is important that you both keep the communication open. Things will usually be hot and heavy in the start, but as you’ve been going at it for a while, your friend may have a change of heart or want to start dating other people and stop seeing you. Or, maybe they’ve just had enough.
No matter what the situation, you need to be able to keep the lines of communication open and realize that what you’re doing probably won’t last forever. If either of you wants to call it quits, it’s totally fair to do so and the other person should be accepting of that.
Rule #6: Don’t mess around with other friends.
Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT move from friend to friend to friend to have sex with. If you start having sex with every friend in your circle, you’re going to get the boot eventually. If you absolutely must have sex with a friend, pick one person and keep it at that.
I mean, think about it. If you have sex with “Tricia” and move on to “Becky” and then “Allison”, what if each finds out? Do you really want them to start comparing notes about you and your skills and your, ahem, mini-me? Or, do you want them getting so mad that they’re telling everyone what you did?
Trust me, avoid having sex with multiple friends, it will lead to nothing but a headache.
Having a friends-with-benefits is amazing if it is done right. If you follow my six rules for staying friends after having sex, you’re sure to enjoy yourself and keep the friend. While it isn’t impossible, it can be tricky, so just put in the work, keep things quiet, don’t get weird, and enjoy the ride for as long as you can.
Now, if you’re smart, you won’t try to hook up with any friends at all. Instead, you’ll give one of the many free hookup sites out there a shot and take a stab at some new booty.