Today I’m going to be sharing some seriously in-depth secrets about talking to women online. I wrote an article on how to talk to girls a while back, but I’ve had plenty of experience since then so I’m sharing more! One thing I don’t want you to do is over complicate things. I’ve broken everything down for you in a clear, concise, and actionable manner so that you have something to do after reading this. Don’t do anything just yet. That is, other than reading this article…
Here’s How To Talk To Females Online And Hopefully Hook Up
So you’ve managed to get your profile set up, and several women have actually been crazy enough to swipe, like or match with you. What now?
Here is where you have to display interpersonal skills like any social human being. Scary, I know!
But at this point, your goal should be to narrow down the field, eliminating the women who want romance and long-term courtship and get down to the girls who are hornier than you are!
Remember that this is strictly a numbers game, and no matter how cool and suave you think you are (you probably aren’t), or how dorky and insecure we are (just about everyone is), the law of large numbers still applies to you.
Simply put, it states that the more potential matches you have, the more opportunities will present themselves, and the more you’ll covert those into meetings, dates, and even sex. That’s pretty much why I love all the networks I use. They’re huge with millions of users and it makes a world of a difference.
No matter what you say, do, how good your abs are or what car you drive, statistics show that the more at-bats you get, the more you’ll make contact with the ball and get on base.
So after you’ve connected on the dating app or site, here’s how you handle the communications flow:
The key is to message them immediately. It’s all about making a connection ASAP and moving very quickly from the chatting phase to the part where you actually arrange to meet in person. You want to get a date with her within a couple of days or the first week at the very most (if she’s busy). After that, you can throw Hail Mary’s to see if she wants to meet after the bars or something. But don’t take time on it – she’s probably not interested (and busy with another guy).
Hint: Don’t Be Too Picky
About 95% of all guys make the critical mistake of wasting SO much time being too selective, waiting too long to message a girl, chatting endlessly, and generally trying to “get to know them” because they think they’re being a gentleman or old fashioned or something.
Guess what she’s doing while you’re being old fashioned? She’s fielding messages from 20 other dudes who are foaming at the mouth to meet her (and do her!).
The truth hurts so learning that some of these females are tire kickers is certainly going to sting a bit. About 97% of women online are going to waste your time – they’re just “window shopping” to see what’s out there, to be highly selective and make guys work to get them, to get attention, or even to satisfy some power dynamic. Find the girls want to meet, want to date, and want to get laid! Spend your time on them.
- Copy and paste a message to a girl THE MOMENT she likes, connects, or swipes on you. Keep it in your phone under Notes or something to make it easy. This will make the process incredibly efficient instead of sitting there typing out a brand new, personalized message every time.
- What should you say? I’ll tell you what NOT to say: “Hi,” “Hey” or “What’s up?” You’re not a rockstar and acting incommunicado like that just makes you look dumb and lazy.
- Say something original, of course. Get her attention. Put her on the defensive. Dictate the flow of the conversation.
In the popular Netflix series, Master of None, comic Aziz Ansari, playing himself, responds to every Tinder.com swipe match with the message, “Hey, I’m going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?” And it works like a charm for him.
I’ve stolen his idea and substituted with Starbucks (especially in the mornings), and my message response rate is through the roof because girls love it.
But no matter what unique and creative “pitch” you use, here are some keep elements – let her know that you’re interested and what you want:
Make sure she knows that you find her attractive.
Don’t focus on who she is and her life story and what’s in her soul – keep the conversation all about action and meeting in real life
Keep it friendly and flirtatious. Sure, you can say “Let’s fuck,” but you’ll need the Law of ALL Numbers to get laid enough that way.
Instead, be fun loving and have good energy and go up to the line and maybe take a step over now and again, but don’t cross it.
Make Her Cross The Line
In fact, set HER up to be the one that crosses the line and is sexual!
Another hint – keep it short and ask a lot of questions. Do you remember the movie, “40-Year Old Virgin?” In the scene where he goes into the bookstore to pursue the slutty looking girl who works there, his friend tells him to ask only questions and repeat what she says. He was shocked by how good it worked!
In fact, research shows that women respond more frequently and more positively to shorter messages online than longer ones.
Also, use a Call to Action. So when you message her, end it with something like, “Message me back if you’re interested,” or “Message me today if you want to meet and have fun” or something like that (but don’t be too aggressive and nothing sexual.
That way, you’re already weeding out the women who will be scared or hesitant to meet for whatever reason. You want the ACTION ladies who you really have a chance with.
Many guys make another mistake by trying to “convert” the girl to Facebook or even want to talk on the phone, but that will take a whole lot of your time.
Granted, many females will want to hear your voice IF they decide to meet you and hang out, so that’s not a bad thing. But only then should you invest time chatting on the phone.
But a text message is short, simple, direct, and also means you have each other’s phone numbers, so it’s more personal.
Don’t Overdo It
Exchange NO MORE than three or four texts. Either she wants to hang out, or she doesn’t.
ALWAYS remember that you’re in direct competition with the ten other guys messaging her and propositioning her right now. So the longer you wait to message her and meet her, the percentage chance that she meets someone else she’s interested in (and doing the horizontal mamba with). Or, she might just lose steam and become distracted by other admirers, and you’ll lose your edge.
Again, there should be no pause between the messaging on the app and the texting. When she gives you her number, contact her immediately.
“What are you doing now? Let’s hang out!”
Give her a reason to come over and hang out, or for you to come to her place.
“I’ll bring you your favorite coffee.”
“I make sushi – want to try some?”
“I want to meet your dog!”
Many women will want to meet but are hesitant to walk right into a strange guy’s house (and rightfully so).
So have a go-to bar, restaurant, or coffee shop that’s very close to your house. I mention this in just about every meetup strategy that I’ve published over the years.
OR, some girls might feel more comfortable if you come to visit them. Tell her you’d like to just “stop by” or bring her dessert or her favorite wine or something. That way, it seems much more innocent, and you don’t sound over-eager to just get in her front door.
The Hitch Approach
In the hilarious movie “Hitch,” an awkward and chronically-single Kevin James wants to meet and date the girl of his dreams. He asks Will Smith (Hitch) for advice, who says something like, “You know all of your instincts and everything you’ve been doing before? Yeah, don’t do THAT. In fact, do the opposite of THAT.”
This isn’t about “being yourself.” Because it’s not about you at all – it’s about HER and, maybe if you’re lucky, about the two of you.
There’s no way you can truly “be yourself” on a dating app, through text message, or even on a first date anyways, so instead, charm the pants off of her.
When it comes to communicating, everyone is different. What works for one guy might not work for another. So you’ll have to find a style of chatting these girls up that matches your personality and really takes effect. But as you discover your dating persona, voice, and schtick, here are some things that may be universal:
Everyone loves humor, and it’s the quickest and easiest way to diffuse the tension and make everyone get past the awkwardness.
I LOVE to flip the script on the girl. She’s so used to every guy coming on hot and heavy, so I love to tell her not to expect a kiss until the 10th date and no sex until the 50th date, or that I don’t put out and maybe we can cuddle if she plays her cards right, or that she needs to take me to dinner and a movie first before she thinks she’s getting in my drawers, etc.
Get Her To The Bedroom
Same goes for the biggest obstacle – getting her over to your house or you to hers, alone. I tell them that I WOULD come over to her house to watch a movie, but I’m scared of her drugging my drink and then kidnapping me and selling my organs on the black market, etc., so what assurances can she give me that I’ll be safe? Etc. You get the idea. Girls love that shit.
Utilize role reversal by stepping into her shoes in a joking manner. It will completely get past her defenses, and she’ll probably even assume the persona of the aggressive (and sex-crazed!) guy on the hunt!
Also, ask questions. Lots of ‘em. Every person’s favorite topic is themselves, and this goes double for girls (and girls on dating sites). You can have a whole conversation with insightful questions.
Propose a scenario. Give her a test. “Ok, if we are on a first date and you see your ex at the restaurant, will you:
1) Wave and say hi?
2) Call him over to introduce us?
3) Pretend he’s dead?” Women love that
Some girls have dominant Type A personalities. Although they may seem difficult and a little irritating, you can actually make that work for you. Tap into their fiery side of their nature by challenging them. “I bet I can beat you at __________.” “I bet I’m a better kisser than you.”
Or, you could even lose a bet on purpose if the payment is something funny AT HER PLACE! Get the idea? That’s a win-win.
GRAB her attention and leave her wanting more – which she’ll get when she meets you!
When it comes to booking the date, take control. Don’t ask if she’s free tomorrow night, ask if tonight or tomorrow night is better for her. NEVER set yourself up to fail with an open-ended yes/no question. If you’re ready to take action and start the process, then do it now by joining this Instabang network – it’s a sure thing!