Let’s say you met someone on a sex app or casual dating site and the two of you got busy. Maybe you’ve met more than a few times and when you look at it, you’ve been spending some decent time together. Maybe you’re confused…
“Are we dating?”
“Is this a relationship?”
“Is this more than a hookup?”
Unless one of you has stated exactly what you’re doing together, you might be unsure if you’re just hooking up, if you’re bang buddies, or if you’re on the verge of a relationship.
However, if you read these seven signs that it’s more than a hookup and you’re answering more “Yes” than “No”, then you, my friend, have moved out of the hookup phase and into something more.
Signs You’re In More Than A Casual Dating “Relationship”
Here’s a list of the signs, simple as that – known them and take action when it happens.
Sign #1: Real Deep Conversations.
Most casual hookups do not have a lot of gabbing. Of course, everyone has to talk a bit to get to the sexual activities, but for the most part, you’re probably not going to be friends outside of the bedroom.
If you find that you and your new friend are spending time together talking about the important things in life, either face-to-face or via texting, it is a good indicator that you’re moving beyond the hookup phase.
If you want to keep things more casual, don’t start talking about your family, friends, job, or your hopes in life. Remember, a casual hookup doesn’t care if you want to get married and have kids and if you’re serious about keeping things low-key, you shouldn’t much care about your partner’s life dreams either.
Sign #2: Caring About Your Partner’s Problems
As you start talking about important life things, the conversations are going to get deeper. You’re going to start discussing issues that we all deal with in our lifetimes, including the bad. Once a hookup partner starts detailing these problems and hurts the other person, and that person starts caring about the problems, well, things are no longer casual.
Casual sex is supposed to be about fun and carefree times and not about the things that drag us down every day. It is a release for most of us. When problems start invading those fun times, the hookup has moved into relationship status.
Sign #3: Talking Between Sex Sessions.
If you’re with someone and you want to keep things physical, you really shouldn’t be texting (sexting is okay) or calling them in the downtime. That means your messages shouldn’t be more than a “Thanks for last night” or “Wow, want to go for a second round?.”
If you find that you are thinking about your sex partner and wondering what they’re up to, maybe even sending them a text or giving them a call, you’re starting to have some feelings about them, and the relationship is moving past hookup into new territory.
Remember, the only thing you and your hookup should be doing is a quick message stating: “When and where.”
Sign #4: Hanging Out Without Having Sex
Are you and your hookup getting together and staying completely clothed?
Or, are you and that friend having sex, but then spending some time together, maybe a full weekend doing things that couples do, like having breakfast, seeing movies, and having full-on discussions?
Then, I’m sorry to say, you, my friend, are in a relationship. A hookup is meant to be one thing only: SEX. There should never be talking, having fun while clothed, talking on the phone or texting, and certainly not waking up in the arms of your hookup and making breakfast together.
If you are meeting up with your hookup to do other things, you’ve moved past casual sex and into the relationship zone.
Sign #5: You Know Their Friends
If the person you’ve been hooking up with has introduced you to their friends, or even worse, their family, things are moving away from being a hookup and towards being something serious.
A hookup-type of relationship is meant to be between two people and in the bedroom. If other people are getting involved (and I don’t mean sexually, if that’s happening, Go You!) and you’re now suddenly at family and friend gatherings, it’s not a hookup anymore.
Your hookup has allowed you into their world, meaning they trust you and want to show you off, which means you aren’t a dirty little secret.
If you want to stay the dirty little secret, don’t meet the friends and fam, K?
Sign #6: You Start Taking Care Of Each Other
The biggest test you can do to see if you are still just hookups or if you’re in a relationship is to tell your fuck-buddy you’re not feeling well. Trust me, just try it. Send off a text and say, “Wow, I’m coming down with something and feeling kind of shitty” and see what happens.
If your hookup is just a hookup, they’re going to be like, “Ew, text me when you’re better.”
If your hookup has moved into relationship-level stuff, they’re going to not only send you “feel better” messages, but they’re probably going to offer to come over and help you out and take care of you.
I’m no germaphobe, but if I’m around someone who is feeling sick, I avoid them. Unless I have feelings for them and then I’m in full-on doctor mode. I don’t care if I get sick, I just want my poor little lovebug to feel better.
If either of you is playing romantic music for the other, you’re no longer just hookup friends.
Sign #7: You Have “Couple Eyes”
Hookup relationships are usually polygamous. That means you aren’t “stuck” with each other only, you can choose to hookup with whoever you want and there is no jealousy at all.
If you find that the thought of being with anyone other than the hookup you’re with is kind of depressing, or the two of you have let other hookups fall to the wayside, the two of you are beginning to fall for each other. I’d like to refer to this as having “couple eyes.”
Look, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having relationships! If you and your hookup are moving out of the “strictly sex” zone and into something else, it might not hurt to embrace that. Finding love is hard and if you’re able to find something deep and meaningful, then I say go for it.
However, if you are not into that and want things to stay just about the sex, you’ll have to keep these simple signs in mind to keep those casual dating partners where you want them to be: in the bedroom.