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swinging rules

How to Get into Swinging – Top Swinger Rules to Abide By (Guide)

In this guide, I cover the rules of swinging and everything that you need to know about this community and lifestyle. I cover all topics you can think of related to swingers. If you’re intrigued about the whole thing, then please take the time to check out this guide. Whether you’re a couple or a single individual looking to hook up with swingers, this is for you. If you’re looking for the site I use today to meet swingers, check this out.

swinging rules

Having a lifestyle that lets you have sex with multiple partners with consent from your significant other is amazing. Many people are fascinated by the idea of swinging, and swingers are increasing each day.

If you’re inclined toward this lifestyle, you should give it a shot, but you have to understand the do’s and don’ts as new swingers. Swinging could change your life for better or worse.

Having many sexual partners while having a significant other requires some rules. Before jumping on the bandwagon, understand what you should know so that you rock it in the swingers’ world!

Top Rules for Swinging You Should Know

If you and your SO have an open relationship, sex can be very exciting. You both find like-minded people to explore and enjoy so much more. Here’s what you should know:

You Are Both on the Same Page for Oral Sex and More

The first thing to do is focus on the rules that you share with your partner. Swinging isn’t for unhappy couples who want solace from crazy sex with unknown people. Instead, it’s about two secure and happy partners who decide together to widen those sexual boundaries.

There should be a mutual decision and trust to let each partner sleep with various other couples.

Swinging is quite amazing, but it could make or break your relationship!

Most couples get into swinging because they have a healthy married life. They satisfy their sexual needs with each other using different partners to enjoy life.

Make sure your partner is willing and ready to accept that.

You might want to start your swinging journey, but your partner should enjoy it as you do. Don’t force them to do something they aren’t comfortable with.

Those same rules apply to you! Make sure that you aren’t forced into anything and that you both are on the same page. If you focus on that before any other rules, things should go smoothly. Swinging only works if both partners agree and have solid trust between them.

Both of You Should Decide on the Action Plan

It could be very embarrassing if your partner only wanted to break the ice with some kissing and touching, and you banged the bed with the swinger partner. You don’t want them waiting on the couch while you’re in the bedroom unwrapping condoms.

Make sure you have a plan for the night beforehand to avoid such an awkward situation. Talk about what you want to accomplish and your goals. What are the expectations here? Are you two making conversation to get to know them, or do you want a full swap, group sex, and anal sex by the end of the night?

Lay out those plans today before you go out on your swinger date!

Learn to Be Honest and Respect Others

You both decided to fulfill your kinks and live out your sexual fantasies. Each person is dressed to the nines, and you hit that swingers’ party. However, those people aren’t sex toys to satisfy you. They’re human beings with boundaries, expectations, feelings, and emotions. You must respect that.

Don’t force them to do something they’re uncomfortable with or go outside their boundaries. They are someone’s spouse, so keep that in mind and respect them.

Though you should be respectful of the swinging community, you must be honest in your approach and methods. If you’re required to send photos, don’t Photoshop or edit your features, weight, and height. Be honest about who you are! Other swingers are sure to be happier knowing that what they initially see is what they get!

Don’t Talk with the Swinger Partner about Your Spouse

As long as you have consent, you’re allowed to kiss and perform other sexual activities with your swinging partner. However, you should never talk about your spouse or theirs.

Don’t mess up the sexual intercourse by shouting your lover’s name if someone else is helping you get off. Though it’s normal to loosen up a little during and after sex, don’t go so far as to ask if you were better than the person’s spouse.

Whether you’re upset or happy with your partner, that swinger isn’t likely to know anything about it. They’re only here for fun, so don’t expect them to dry your tears or be excited to see your wedding ring or pictures of your children.

Things can turn awkward quickly when you bring up your spouse’s or lover’s name in the conversation. The swinger partner might get turned off and cancel the entire evening.

Regardless of how well they satisfied you, don’t wish that they were your spouse unless you want to scare them off and never enjoy them again!

Learn to Hear and Say “No”

In the swinging lifestyle, no always means no. There are no hidden hints or messages to ponder over. If someone says no, take it for what it is, respect that decision, and move on.

You also have the right to say no. Therefore, if someone approaches you and you don’t like them, just say no thanks and move on. Don’t give an explanation or reason for rejecting them. Likewise, if someone turns you down, don’t demand answers.

Rejection is often hard for people; they can’t take it or give it. However, you shouldn’t take it to heart because other couples are out there. The swingers community is welcoming and friendly, so someone else is bound to approach you and accept you.

Limit Alcohol Consumption

You don’t want to spend the entire day fantasizing about your tryst with your swinger friend only to find that you’re too drunk to perform. It happens frequently because people are nervous about their encounters, especially if they’re beginners.

No one wants to miss the fun at a swinger party, so keep your senses during the encounter. You don’t have to be fully sober, though. In fact, a few drinks might get you in the mood and help you overcome your inhibitions. However, anything more than a couple might make you feel disappointed the next day.

Stay Updated with Your Swinging Dictionary

If you’re into the swinging lifestyle, there are some things to learn, including the terminology. These are the words swingers use. Since you’re a newbie, it’s okay if you don’t know what they mean, but don’t be afraid to ask for clarification to avoid complications later.

You want a good grasp of the lifestyle words. Otherwise, you may end up agreeing to something you don’t want! Here are a few important terms:

Hard Swap or Soft Swap

A hard swap indicates wild sex with intercourse. It could be a full swap, so your spouse is with the opposite sex of the other couple, and you’re with the other person.

However, a soft swap means kissing, playing with that person’s body, and possibly oral sex. There is no intercourse!


A unicorn isn’t a fairy tale character. The world of swinging can be magical and fulfill your fantasies, though. Here, unicorns are single women at the swingers’ party who want to have sex.


Most people understand the term “lifestyle,” but it has a different meaning here. This term is given to swingers because of what they like – couples who swap partners with others to have sex.

Let the Lady Decide

Generally, in the swinging world, the choice to reject or select is put on the woman. However, both partners should decide mutually if the other couple works for them.

It’s common for the lady to have the final decision, and she should also give instructions and initiate conversations. In a sense, the boyfriend or husband should be lucky that his SO allows him to have sex with other women. Let her have that superiority over him.

Don’t misunderstand! The lady should never force her SO to swing with couples he’s not interested in. Swinging requires mutuality and equality so that both partners can enjoy their time with others.

Get Verbal Consent Before Continuing

Even if a woman is walking around naked at the party, that’s not enough to consent to group sex or any sexual act. You must ask if she wants it before you do anything. Don’t make excuses that she was nude or made an advance for a kiss.

Sometimes, the lady might have been too tipsy to say yes, or the naked man didn’t want someone grabbing his behind.

Before touching anyone anywhere, ask them if they’re okay with it. Getting permission is crucial even if multiple women are licking a man’s body, you can’t just join in. Wait for that verbal consent or head nod before proceeding.

No-Repeat Rule for a Healthy Sex Life

Sometimes, swingers don’t have sex with the same couple over and over. Once they have sex with a couple, they don’t pair with them for a few months. That reduces relationship problems and prevents people from getting into a routine or rut.

This also prevents the couple from creating an emotional connection or bond with others. That often happens if you prolong those sexual activities or have them continuously.

Please note that this rule can be changed. Some couples choose to adopt it for a while and then reject it based on their needs and preferences at the time. However, beginners are sure to find this rule helpful so that their swinging life is adventurous and fresh.

Choose a Code Word

If it is your first time swinging, you could easily get overwhelmed. Some people just can’t calm their nerves easily. The last thing you need is to be uncomfortable or awkward because you don’t know how to stop what’s happening to you.

Therefore, it’s often better to set a codeword or two. Some might be used to tell the swinger that you’re happy and getting pleasure, and others might be used to indicate pain or to stop.

You can use these words when being sexual with other couples so that those partners know what you’re feeling and thinking.

Don’t be embarrassed to bring this up, either. Most swingers have been doing this for a while, so they know what they like and aren’t afraid to say no. However, you might be uncomfortable saying it outright, and a code word can help you feel better.

The trick to creating these codes is to use words that don’t come up a lot in real life. For example, you’re an avid pickle lover, so you probably don’t want to use “cucumber” or “pickle” as your special word.

Some of the best words are made up! Just make sure that they are easy to say for all parties. For example, if someone has trouble with the “s” sound, don’t use “abacus” as the code to stop!

Practice Safe Sex

Unprotected sex can lead to sexually transmitted diseases, and that’s never a good thing! Even if you’ve known the couple for years, it’s best to practice safe sex and use a condom each time.

You don’t know what the other couple does. How active are they in the swinging world? How seriously do they take those safety measures each time?

When swapping partners with people you know or visiting a swinger club, carry condoms with you. Make sure any potential partner understands that they must wrap it up or find someone else so that there’s no confusion later.

Take Care of Hygiene

Most people already know that they need to clean themselves properly, so there shouldn’t be an issue here. However, don’t forget to take a shower before the event, paying special attention to your private areas.

You may also consider wearing light perfume (don’t spray too much) and keep mints handy. That way, you don’t have to deal with someone’s bad breath and body odor (and vice versa!)

Calm Your Nerves

There is nothing wrong with being nervous, but you should explain that to the other couple. They are sure to work harder to help you relax and unwind.

One way to do that is to watch a porn movie together. You calm down a bit and also get turned on to build up the sexual tension. Booze can also help, but remember not to drink too much!

Be Courteous Afterward

There’s no need to exchange phone numbers with each couple you bang, and you don’t have to be their friend. However, you should be courteous at all times by understanding them, being polite, and treating them like you might yourself.

Adhere to Swingers Club Etiquette

If you’re planning to visit a swingers club, it’s important to note that each one has its own guidelines and rules, and it’s likely to stick to them and be strict.

Usually, there’s a dress code of some sort, and it might be a themed evening. You’re also expected to provide your own beverages (alcoholic and non-alcoholic). Also, you should never bring in cameras or try to hide your phone so that you can keep memories of this special event.

You may have trouble finding clubs to visit. Most hookup apps offer sections for casual sex or swingers. Check them out, go over the rules, and have a great experience.

Rules for Swingers Clubs

Swingers clubs are a great way for newbies to meet people and have fun. Whether you’re single or with someone, you can both attend and get involved in swinging safely.

Many clubs help you break out of your shell. You could watch other couples or your partner until you’re ready to join in or jump right in.

Generally, swinging clubs have their own rules, but here are a few of the common ones:

Be Quiet as the Voyeur

When you visit a swinger club, you might watch others have sex. There’s nothing more aggravating than being viewed by other guests who can’t be quiet.

Therefore, if you plan to watch other couples, make sure that you’re not making excessive noise. Quiet moans of pleasure are often encouraged but don’t yell at the people having intercourse or talk directly to them.

Clean Up After Yourself

You may end up having multiple partners at the club, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, you should always clean up after yourself, even if you’re at another person’s house. It shows that you respect them and care about yourself. Plus, you might get invited back for another round of fun!

Take It Slow

First-time couples should spend time getting to know each other and take things slow. You don’t have to rush into it. Get acquainted with the other couple, even if there’s an established no-kissing rule. Rushing often makes things overwhelming for beginners.

This is the perfect time to go over the important rules of the night with the other couple. Explain your code words and what you expect from the evening.

Swinger Websites

Over the years I’ve compiled a list of websites for couples interested in the swinger lifestyle.  Here are a few of the more popular ones for anyone interested in reading full reviews of these websites and finding out further details.


As with other relationships you might have, swinging with a partner requires communication. You two should establish ground rules and remember that it’s not for everyone. Regardless of how much your SO trusts you, you should ask relevant questions and talk about the swinging experience later to ensure that it went well for you both.

Following all the rules and communicating with each other means having more fun. Whether you go to a swinger club or someone’s home, you’re sure to enjoy the lifestyle and experience mind-blowing sex all the time!

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