You don’t need me to tell you that one of the things that make sex incredible is the creative freedom you have. Sure, I’m making it sound like an art form, but doesn’t it feel like one? Once you have a willing partner, the world is your oyster.
Take your pick from oral sex, rough sex, role play, using sex toys, or whatever else may come to your mind. You may have been thinking to incorporate hair-pulling into the festivities, and that’s fine too.
However, you’ve probably realized that pulling a girl’s hair pulling during sex can have some painful or less-than-desirable results if you don’t do it right.
Not to toot my own horn, but it just so happens that pulling a partner’s hair is one of my areas of expertise, so you’ve come to the right place to help you get it right!
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Ensure Your Partner Is Ready to Have Their Hair Pulled
When you’re crossing boundaries that could be uncomfortable or painful, it’s always good to ensure that you’re doing it because you and your partner are on board. If you’re a BDSM person, can you imagine pulling out a suspender and 10 feet of rope when your partner is not into being restrained and has no idea what’s going on?
Some surprises are nice, but for stuff such as this, I recommend getting on the same page first. Here’s how you do that.
Consent Is Required
If you’re going to pull her hair during sex, ensure that you have her consent first. I would say that this should be standard for just about any sexual activity you can think of. Sex is about two people (or more, if you’re looking to add another dimension of fun) taking part in something they can both enjoy consensually.
By the way, swaying the situation in your favor to get a positive response is not exactly what I’d call consent. So, don’t try to use tactics such as pressure or guilt. Again, it’s not all about you. Also, though it can suck to get excited only to have an opportunity taken away, remember that consent can be withdrawn at any time before and during the act.
You need to be ready to accept that if things happen to turn out that way.
Boundaries and Limits Are a Thing
Assuming you have gotten consent and pulling hair is now on the table, now you need to get into the zone of awareness. Hair pulling activates nerve endings. That’s why it can feel great to the woman who’s on the receiving end. However, those same nerve endings could make things pretty uncomfortable.
Heads are sensitive, and pulling hair out isn’t too hard to achieve. This is a pretty vulnerable space for the woman and understanding where the limitations are is a good idea. Going for a test run of the technique below is one way to go about it or you can just mutually decide what the cue will be if you need to stop and dial things back.
What to Actually Do When You Pull Hair
We’ve now gotten to the moment you’ve been waiting for. In the moment of sexual arousal when you’re giving it to her good (yes, I meant what I said), you want that sexy visual of dominance as you grab her hair and you want her to enjoy it. How do you do that without ripping strands from her hair follicles or causing pain? Let’s talk about it!
Start Slow and Pull in a Consistent Way
Especially when hair pulling during BDSM, it’s easy to get tempted to pull her hair in a jerky motion or with all the force you thrust into her at the waist, but for your sake and hers, how about you don’t do that?
Here’s a principle I use with everything I do to a woman. I work my way into it and watch the response. By doing this and adjusting, I’ve found that I can pretty consistently make my partner enjoy whatever we do.
Grip loosely to start and watch the reaction and interest. Remember that you’re already having sex, which is one pleasure center, and you’re activating another. No one said you can’t activate even more. Depending on the position, gently biting her neck is also a great idea if she likes to be bitten.
Alternatively, you can whisper something sexy in her ear as you do it. The point is that you want that hot build up and you want her as into it as possible.
Doing this helps both of you to stay relaxed. You can smoothly and consistently pull the hair as you both get a feel for it, adjusting the pace to where everyone is happy.
Never Suddenly Start Tugging
Here’s the thing, even with what I said above, the moment some people realize that it starts to feel good to a woman, the considerate parts of the brain turns off and a one-sided game of tug of war happens.
Do you want to keep her wet and aroused or do you want to terrify her right out of the bedroom? If it’s the former, then resist every urge in your body to start pulling forcefully and suddenly.
Go From the Back
I don’t necessarily mean the sex position here, but since it’s been mentioned, doggy style is one of the best positions for hair-pulling. What I actually meant, though, was where to start pulling the hair from.
You may think that getting as close to the crown as possible is the way to do it, but you would be wrong in that assessment. The back of the hair, farther away from the crown is a much better and less dangerous starting point. Also, stay away from the sides of the hair unless she asks you to do otherwise. Not all women like people in those areas.
When you pull from that position and do it right, it arches her back and thrusts her breasts upwards, which is an alteration that she will like and you will too considering it looks incredibly sexy and makes it even easier to access your entry point. When a girl wears a ponytail, you may find this to be even more straightforward.
Try to Get Close to the Scalp
While staying to the back as I said before, you want to try to get close to the scalp with your motion. This is actually what causes things to feel good for her since the scalp is lined with special nerve endings. A woman’s brain will activate a pleasurable sensation when you do it right.
Pulling from the tip is likely to hurt her and that won’t contribute to anyone’s enjoyment of what is happening. Start at the nape of the neck and move upward to be as close to the scalp as you can. You’re effectively meant to rub against it with some level of tension.
Get as Much Hair as You Can
I want you to imagine that your hand is an incredibly wide comb. As you close your fingers, you want to get as much hair as possible. If you don’t do this and grab only a few hairs, then you’re much more likely to rip her hair out. Pain is not the sensation you want to give her nerve centers.
That’s actually why grabbing and wrapping a ponytail works so well as it allows you to hold onto more. Even in the absence of one though, grab the hair as if one is there. Sure, if her hair is on the shorter side, it may be a bit harder, but that “more is better” principle will apply here.
Check the Ego and Check-in
The earlier you are in your hair-pulling career, the more you should be doing this. The idea is that you want to gauge the comfort level. I can promise you that it’s possible to find out how much she’s enjoying what you’re doing without killing the mood.
Maybe you can’t handle hearing a “no” when you ask her if she likes what you’re doing. Perhaps instead you can ask if she wants to change things up. Many women will be direct and outright tell you without a question being asked but others may not.
Nothing Is Wrong with a Little Reflection
I always encourage people to do what they can to get better at pleasing their partners, and it’s one of the missing elements of what could be good sex these days. If you focus on your own pleasure, then you’ll unconsciously neglect your partner.
On the flip side, if you focus on making the other person feel good, they will want to make you feel good, and it creates a great cycle. So, maybe next time you have sex, do more of the thing your partner likes instead of thinking about what you want. Once your partner is doing the same thing, it will be the best experience ever!
Hair pulling is no exception to the principle. You may have liked how it went and the way you did it, but did she? Talk about it after the act and find out what went well and what didn’t. Showing that care and interest also makes her more comfortable having you do it more in the future.
Why Do Women Enjoy Hair Pulling During Sex?
Being the person doing the hair-pulling makes it easy to justify it. You feel in control and it looks sexy. You may stop and wonder why she likes it, though. I would call this one of the more surprising and beneficial results of healthy exploration.
Many women love having their hair pulled for two reasons.
The Drama Factor
This is one that women come to lean into with greater sexual experience. They want to let go and give in but it’s not so easy just like other areas of life. However, it’s a little easier to do in the bedroom but there’s also the matter of how the person who gets that control handles it.
There’s a sweet spot of drama in being able to subtly explore that more submissive side for her. Willingly offering up that control and having it be rewarded with a pleasurable feeling is a win for her. You could call it a slice of surrender.
The Psychological Element
This is more along the biological line that I mentioned before. Remember the nerve endings that we spoke about? This is where they shine. There’s a reason why the line between pain and pleasure can be blurred so well. The nerves for both are more closely related than you’d think.
That’s why a scalp massage can feel so good. In fact, pulling her hair can activate essentially the same response. She may find that during the act, there’s a sweet sensation of tingling running up and down her spine.
Combine that with the feeling you’re creating while being inside her, and it’s the perfect pleasure overload.
Is There a Recommended Position for Hair Pulling?
This one is down to personal preference, but generally, positions that see her facing away from you are a good bet. If you want my personal opinion, I would say doggy style is at the top of the list followed by reverse cowgirl.
Both of them allow you to pull her hair and have her arch toward you. The difference between the two positions boils down to how much control you want. With doggy style, you will control the hair-pulling element but either of you can control the sex since you can thrust into her or have her throw it back on you.
You still maintain control of her arch and the pleasure she gets from the hair pulling when doing reverse cowgirl, but she will need to take charge of the other element as the person doing the riding.
Wrapping Things Up
Did you enjoy my little hair-pulling crash course? If you were paying attention, now you know how to get on the same page before sex, how to pull her hair safely, how to check in with her as you do it, and how to evaluate for the next time. You even know why women enjoy it and a couple of positions that work well!
What are you waiting for? There’s never been a better time to give it a try!