What is a Rub and Tug?

Every guy should experience a rub and tug once in his life, just to say they did.  Of course, I’m throwing out my usual disclaimer that I don’t expect any of you to break any laws!  I’m saying this with the knowledge that there are places you can go offshore and the old happy-ending massage is completely legal.

But let me digress…

What Exactly is a “Rub and Tug?”

A rub and tug is a term given to massage parlors, (or more factual, places that pose as massage parlors) that upon entrance, you know right away there is just something off about it.  These are the shady looking places you can find in just about any town that nobody will openly talk about getting “massages” at.  These places are places where yes, you go in, and pay for a “body rub,” but after that rubbing starts things slowly start getting more erotic.  The end result is a tug on your junk and if she does her job properly, she’ll make you cum with a slow, erotic hand job.

Traditionally these types of places were reserved for Asians, and you’ll often hear the acronym “AMP” on web forums and websites where men talk about Asian Massage Parlors.  However, as time has evolved, you’ll see women of all races in there offering these types of services.  In Miami, “Latina Spa’s” are all the rage, and by reading a lot of the prostitution busts in the local news, a simple hand job is a rather light day for the women as many of them have been busted for offering full service sexual encounters at these places.

How to Find a Rub and Tug Massage

It’s as easy as searching for “erotic massage near me.”  Yes, there are places that openly advertise these questionable establishments!

In fact, I took time after the whole Robert Kraft massage deal here in South Florida to make an example of a nearby City.  Just click here and you’ll see a literal rolodex of places I list in Fort Lauderdale to get a massage, and much more.  Of course, the bigger the market you are in, the more of these you’ll find. It’s also worth noting that a lot of these places get into business in the same area. I’ve never known if that was a strategic move, or just by coincidence.

One time, I was in Panama at one of the best rub and tubs (where you get a lot more than a tug if you know what I mean) and it sat next to a well known fast food chain.  How about that for being in your face and without any qualms about who may be offended!

Of course, there have sprouted up many internet websites that dedicated all of their resources to these types of places.  Most notably, RubMaps.  This is a forum with literal maps of places you can find erotic services.

It thrives off of user-generated content which can range from simple commentary all the way to full-on reviews of their experiences with women at these establishments.  Content ranges from very generic all the way to novels giving turn-by-turn information about the entire ordeal.  Some even name names, make recommendations and tell you the best time to go.

If you find yourself out in the wild and are looking for a rub and tub, here are some things to look for so you can know if it’s a real place where you have a chance at some sexual situations, or if you are just basically at something that’s going to be a lot like your local Massage Envy.

#1:  Look for neon lights.  

Neon lights scream EROTICA.  There’s a reason there aren’t neon lights in the church, am I right?

Bonus points if the neon light says something like “Open late!”

#2: They ask for money upfront.

Have you ever paid for a LEGIT massage in advance?  I haven’t.  This is because they have something shady going on here and you, my friend, will be looking at someone trying to up-sell you in the very near future!  It’s very common to pay a fee at the door and then have the “masseuse” ask for tip money for x, y, and z.

#3:  They tell you you get a FREE shower.

Okay, this one is odd, right?  Massage Envy doesn’t do this!  Why do you need to shower?  Oh wait, to get the alcohol smell away from your body and the jizz smell away from your clothing.  Or maybe her horrific perfume, etc, etc.

#4:  The Masseuse is dressed like she’s in a Tyga video!

Sometimes pictures are worth more than 1,000 words.

#5:  You see a lot of lotion, towels, and Kleenex’s.  

Since this is presumably all used to jerk you off, they need an abundance. This is a scene you won’t see at the Ritz Carlton Spa.

#6:  The advertising looks like this:

#7:  They are in a high-crime area

You won’t find these next to your local country club for a reason.  They like to be where the derelicts hang out.  In Hollywood, Florida, you’ll find many of these establishments on the same block as the Seminole Hard Rock Casino (home of the famous Guitar Hotel.)

Now mind you, all of this is illegal!  I’m just here shooting facts for my audience, and always, I do so to give people a heads-up that there are so many ways to get laid, and these rub and tug spas are just one of them.

Okay, well, all this writing has me looking to blow a load.  Where shall I go?  (😉)