It felt right to hear that Coachella was the first of the music festivals to come back after COVID. Across the pond, it seemed like the most sanitized version of a festival. No one sets the tents on fire, they don’t dive into the Port-a-Potty to retrieve their phone, and they don’t have camping sex with strangers.
Having sex at a festival in a tent is overall a rite of passage. Whether you’re into doggy style or something else, you may have an enjoyable weekend with your friends. There’s a large crowd, you can get hot and bothered, and it can sometimes be pretty romantic.
How Not to Have Sex at a Music Festival
While most people who have sex at a festival enjoy the experience, there’s a right and wrong way to do everything. Picture this: the tent collapses during a huge rainfall. There’s nothing you can do but rush to your friend’s pop-up to get some sleep. Then, you wake up and realize that your friend is gone and someone else is there getting the ride of their life.
Banging is an important time, and you don’t want to cock-block your buddy, so you pretend to be asleep while they get it on. Then, the lady tells your friend to push you off the mattress to get more room, and you holler, “no.” Everyone is freaked out, and you’ve done what you promised not to do. That’s how you do not have sex at a festival.
Still, that’s the opposite of why I’m writing the list. Let’s see the best tips for having sex while at a festival and make sure it’s good!
Tips for Having Sex at Music Festivals
Here are the best tips for banging at festivals:
Have Festival Sex Early
The earlier you can get it on at music festivals, the better it will be for everyone. In a sense, you’re still pretty clean, the tent isn’t destroyed with mud and alcohol, and you’ve got energy to make it a good effort. These are wise words that could not be truer!
Why would you want to bang when you’re all sweaty from the day’s events? There are likely no places to clean up, so it’s better to boink someone who just arrived.
One woman confided on a health forum that she got cystitis from having sex at a festival, spending most of the time in the Port-a-Potty. Therefore, there’s an added health benefit of not peeing razor blades the entire weekend. It’s possible to get a UTI when bacteria enter the urethra. Rubbing private parts together is a way to get that problem.
Bring a Tent for Camping Sex
If someone could walk into your tent at any time while you’re getting ready to bang someone, it’s probably not the wisest option. Festival goers tend to respect spaces that aren’t theirs, but your friends are another story.
While there are countless options to bang at a festival, the tent is the best choice. Getting eaten out in the portable bathroom is disgusting, and it doesn’t matter how much alcohol or how many pills you might have taken!
You also want to avoid whatever dance tent is provided by the venue. While banging to music is exciting, it’s wise to bring your own tent so that you have personal space when cleaning yourself up or getting some sleep.
A few more pieces of advice include:
- Don’t use a flashlight because everyone outside can see what you do.
- Avoid using an air bed because it throws off your rhythm and could explode at an inopportune time.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t have an air bed; they’re crucial for comfort during the festival. However, the better place for sex is the floor with a few blankets.
Don’t Perform Oral Sex
Let me just throw it out there that some women don’t mind sweaty dick, so oral sex might not be a problem for them. However, most people want to be as clean as possible, and getting showered is often difficult during the festival. Therefore, it’s wise to avoid oral because you don’t know where that penis has been!
Have Sex at a Festival During a Good Song
I’ve researched this point extensively and found one person who said he missed seeing Dolly Parton to bang someone. The level of commitment he had to sex and personal gratification is worth the affront to the queen of country music. Plus, it’s beneficial.
If you can stand to not see the main attraction, you could guarantee (almost) that the campsite is emptier than usual. Therefore, you’ve got more privacy to do the deed. That also means you have some good tunes to listen to while you bang. If the timing is right, you might align the crowd cheering sounds with the orgasm, and no one will be none the wiser of your naughty fun.
Don’t Be a Dick
Many festival-goers often forget that they’re there to have fun and hear good music when they get around the crowd. However, don’t drop your morals here. The same rules apply at a festival or at home – it should always be consensual sex. If they’re too high or drunk, which is likely at 3 a.m., don’t hook up with them. Have a solo pleasure trip instead.
Prepare in Advance
Just as you want to bring your own tent, there are other things you can do to be the best at banging. Make sure you get something moist to clean yourself, and have condoms, pillows, hand sanitizer, breath spray, and tissues.
Don’t forget about the others at the same festival you’re at. These people might be your friends or become them, so be respectful whenever possible.
Dos and Don’ts
Okay, I’ve been giving you pointers throughout this article, but here’s a rundown of the dos and don’ts you should/shouldn’t be doing. If you can’t remember everything you read, make sure you print this out and keep it in your duffel bag so that you don’t forget anything important!
Here are things you should always do when planning to have sex at a festival:
- Do wear protection and practice safe sex. You don’t want those dirty diseases that often come with going bareback. I’d rather see you with an entire bag full of condoms than none at all.
- Do bring baby wipes, hand sanitizer, and dry cloths to clean yourself. While you’re entertaining the ladies, you don’t want to get caught with dried semen on your jeans or have to walk around with that in your undies. It’s very uncomfortable and highly unsanitary.
- Do dispose of the condoms correctly. Others don’t want to touch those used rubbers, so make sure you toss them in a trash can.
- Do get consent. Make sure that the other person (people) want to be involved in the fun.
- Do warn your friends who you’re with and where you’re going. It can be a dangerous world out there, and parties/festivals are the top places for people to get kidnapped.
- Do be respectful of others at the campsite. No one wants to hear and see what you do. That’s why it’s best to bang during a few songs!
Here are a few don’ts to consider:
- Don’t get caught because that can turn a sexy escapade into an awkward situation.
- Don’t be afraid to make a new friend or two for banging.
- Don’t assume that the tent is soundproof. It isn’t, and everyone can hear you two.
- Don’t perform oral. You know when your last shower was, but what about your partners’?
- Don’t forget why you’re there. You spent money on a ticket to listen to music and have a great time with others.
- Don’t leave out valuables. Bringing a stranger to your tent can be exciting, but you don’t know if they are thieves. It’s best to be safe.
During festival season, it’s crucial to plan extensively. You want to make sure you get there early so that you get a good spot, find your friends, and ensure that everything runs smoothly.
Whether you’re dating or want to hook up with someone, banging at a festival is something most people do at least once in their lives. Plus, it’s a fun addition to the weekend dedicated to pleasure.
It might make you feel dirty when talking about the event (or remembering it later), but that added sexy layer is a win for most people. I’ve given you detailed information on how to prepare yourself, so go out there and bang like you don’t have a ton of life responsibilities.
Meet someone new in the crowd, or bring your fuck-buddy with you. You’re sure to have a great time!